Let me whimper.
You see, I've never wanted to discuss or share anything other than fashion/style in this blog.
So, you. Family members, outsiders, strangers, friends! Hello! Yes, now you know I am not having my best days.
Back then, I have this personal blog which I created during high school, (still existing but on private mode)
I've learnt that blogging granted a few benefits in life (though I am not famous). What actually triggered me to be a journalist was blogging. I have to say my writing skills developed through blogging. Not boasting, I usually do well in writing assignments.
I am not saying I am a damn good writer. "Boleh tahanlah!" Okay, that phrase says it all. I am NOT that good of a writer. Sucks. haha
Well, at least I got an A for Miss Mary's class. ahha (only ADP-ians will know).
So yeah, I just read my last post in my old blog which was 10/12/2011. A post on realization.
I realized that what I "realized" wasn't realizable. You must be thinking what sorcery is this?
So, I thought I was an okay writer. Hence, there's a light in journalism.
And then, I thought my taste in fashion and style is commendable. Thus, there's another light in fashion.
Journalism + Fashion = Fashion journalist.
Macam yes je.
However, recently I doubt myself. I don't know. & again I feel as if I am not worthy for anything.
When I read how others write. My self-esteem literally cringed! I am nothing compared to them. When I say others, not bloggers or authors but people in business, engineering, medicine etc field.
I think my friend in med field is a better writer than I do. What makes me think I can excel in journalism?
I have no general knowledge. I don't know anything that's happening around me. Like a complete dumbass bimbo.
Then came my passion for fashion. I thought I am kinda of an expert when comes to style. Girl, I was wrong. Even the girl who watches cooking shows rather than runway shows can dress better than I do. I feel like a damn amateur in fashion. I am repulsed with myself just by looking at my "fashion" photographs. Amateur and lame. Do I even have the income or the qualification to speak fashion? to speak Chanel? to speak Prada? to speak about runway shows? Fyi, I watched them on youtube -.- I've not yet experienced anything that I've just written. Even finding for a fashion invitation card for my portfolio is a hassle because I've been to NONE. My status and qualifications tell me I am no suit in this field.
My welcome column at the right side of this blog is a complete bull. Fashion does require price tags. You need to be someone to be someone.
Honestly,
I feel like I am mediocre in everything. My discovered strengths aren't even strengths.
Do you think this blog is a mistake? I am having doubts now. Should I shut down this blog?
Recently, I have doubts on everything. Thoughts, second thoughts and more thoughts.
On life, ambition, goals, people around me.
I am so demotivated.
I apologize if I was ignorant or have been an asshole. Too much stress going on.
Moreover, the contribution of college works & not to mention a few not-so-genuine people in my life.
Ok, old people, don't rub it in. Welcome to reality huh?
I am not sure why am I writing this.
Maybe I am just another attention seeking whore whom needs people to tell me that I am worthy. No, I don't mean that. Don't come to me. I'd just ignore unless you are someone significant. Trust me, that's like my ultimate strength.
Maybe I am just cranky and angry at life. I don't know.
Read and understand. That's all you need to do.
Regarding the blog shutting down issue. I'll think about that. Worthy or not?
Lights out!
I need to seek for new "realization". Bull.
I hope it's just a damn phase I am going through.
And a few pin up candies!
